we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
