We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
