how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
