Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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