you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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