Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
