It's like God shit irony all over that family
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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