Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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