I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
