We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He passed out mid-signature
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
