Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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