i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
