I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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