my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
