9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
