I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
