Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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