Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
