Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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