Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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