i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
