why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
