i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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