talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
