Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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