So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
