Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You work out of a Hotel?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
