How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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