So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
