omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Sext me about skeletons
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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