i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
