am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
