we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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