Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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