You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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