sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
