My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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