So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
