What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
