I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
