I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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