OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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