She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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