I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
