I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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