I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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