take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
