she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
