Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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