in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
